Unacha Flavored Frosting
by bjont
Summary: According to Inui, there's a 73.47 percent chance that Tezuka would really like a certain something for his birthday. It just so happens that this gift is a bit of a challenge to wrap. My second attempt at crack... Happy birthday, Tezuka.


**Unacha-Flavored Frosting**

Disclaimer: Have Tezuka and Fuji confessed their undying love yet? No, I didn't think so.

Umm.. Good luck with this. It's probably the lamest crack you've ever read. It's cornily-not-funny in a way you'll never believe.

Oh, guess what. I totally baked Tezuka a cake. -emits geeky vibes- Yum.

* * *

"Today is Tezuka's birthday," Inui announced, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"I realize that, Inui," Oishi replied, "but was it really necessary to call all of us at four in the morning, force us out of bed, and meet here just so you could tell us that?" He yawned, and Kikumaru's head flopped onto his shoulder.

"Yes," the data-player replied, opening his notebook. "It was. We're here to discuss gifts. What have you all bought?" There was a long, awkward silence. "Exactly. Shopping for Tezuka is nearly impossible. He's not one to discuss what he enjoys, and he buys what he needs exactly when he needs it. He's frugal, and lavish gifts make him uncomfortable. I cannot think of one material thing Tezuka would want for his birthday."

"Please don't tell me you called us out here to tell us _that_, Inui-senpai," Momo cried, rubbing his eyes. "That's why none of us bought anything!" Eiji lifted his head from Oishi's shoulder with a cry of agreement.

"Let's just write him a card, nya!"

"Maybe we could run extra laps today," Kawamura suggested. "That might make him happy." Everyone turned to gaze at him.

"I'll watch," Echizen replied. There were several nods of agreement.

"Sorry Taka-san, but I don't want to run any more laps than I have to," Momo admitted. "No matter how happy it makes buchou."

"You see?" Inui cut in, "there's really nothing we can offer buchou. However," he continued, a small smile creeping across his face, "last night, I spent hours pondering the subject, and I think I finally reached a reasonable conclusion at approximately," he paused to glance at his notebook, "3:24:55 A.M." He looked up, gazing around the room at the expectant faces of his teammates.

"Well?" Kikumaru prompted, "don't just leave us hanging, Inui!" The data-player took a deep breath.

"I am 73.47 percent sure," he began, "that Tezuka would very much like to have..."

Outside, a cat darted into the road, directly in front of a large truck. Panicking, the driver blasted his horn, startling the kitty back onto the sidewalk.

"For his birthday," Inui finished with a grin. The Regulars stared at him in disbelief.

"Umm, Inui-senpai, could you repeat that, please? I couldn't really hear 'cause of the commotion outside," Momo said.

"Of course, Momoshiro. As I said before, I am 73.47 percent sure that Tezuka would very much like to have..."

He paused, as if waiting for something to interrupt him. The room remained silent, however, so he continued. "I am 73.47 percent sure that Tezuka would very much like to have Fuji for his birthday."

"Wait a minute, Inui!" Oishi cried, scrambling to his feet. "We can't just GIVE Fuji to Tezuka!"

"Yeah!" Kikumaru agreed, waving his arms in the air indignantly. "We have to wrap him first!"

The clubroom fell silent. Eiji shrugged.

"Where is Fuji-senpai, anyway?" Echizen asked, tugging at the brim of his cap.

"I didn't call him," Inui replied. "I figured it would be easier to plan without him here."

"What is there to plan?" Momo shouted, leaping onto a bench. "All we have to do is find Fuji-senpai, wait until Tezuka-buchou arrives, shove Fuji-senpai at him, sing "Happy Birthday," and then run away before we end up running laps for the rest of our lives!"

"Baka," Kaidoh hissed, "you can't just give a gift like that. It has to be more ceremonious."

"We could put a candle on his head," Oishi suggested. "Although lighting it might be a bit dangerous."

"What if we covered him in frosting, like a cake?" Taka offered. "Then we could write, 'Happy Birthday, Tezuka" on it in decorative icing."

"That could work quite well," Inui agreed, scribbling in his notebook. "Although I'm not sure if Fuji would be 100 percent receptive to the idea of being covered in frosting."

"Unless it was wasabi-flavored," Kikumaru replied. "Then I'm sure he wouldn't mind. But Tezuka might," he added thoughtfully.

"What's Tezuka-buchou's favorite flavor, anyway?" Momo asked, hopping down from the bench. "Doesn't he drink unacha a lot?" Ryoma made a face.

"Where would we get eel-tea-flavored icing anyway, Momo-senpai?"

"That's a good point, Echizen," Inui said. "Perhaps we should go for something more conventional, rather than covering Fuji with frosting. However, we need to decide quickly; Tezuka will be here within the hour."

"Let's write a card, find something little to give him, as a kind gesture, and then give both things to Fuji to give to Tezuka," Oishi suggested. "In the card, we can write that Fuji is our main gift to him, so Tezuka doesn't feel cheated."

"Alright, that sounds like a plan," Inui replied. "But what little thing can we give to him?"

"My mum gave me a pair of socks I've never worn for Christmas last year," Momo offered. "I can get those."

"Excellent, Momoshiro. You go retrieve those now. Kikumaru, Oishi, Kawamura, Kaidoh and I will go get Fuji. Echizen, you stay here and write the card."

"Whatever, Inui-senpai," Ryoma muttered. He grabbed the paper and pen Inui offered him and began writing, while the rest of the team scattered to perform their various tasks. They all returned half an hour later, Momo wielding a pair of fluffy, magenta socks with little tennis balls stitched around the hem, and Eiji, Oishi, Kawamura, Kaidoh, and Inui triumphantly leading a rather bewildered Fuji. Echizen handed Inui the card, who thrust it at Fuji without so much as a glance at the text.

"Fuji, we need you to wait here with this card and these socks until Tezuka arrives. Give him the gift and then wait until he's read the card before you do anything else. The rest of us have an important errand we need to run in order to prepare for tonight's surprise celebration. Alright?" Fuji smiled amiably.

"Sure, Inui."

"Excellent. He'll be here soon. Bye," Inui called over his shoulder as he and the rest of the Regulars filed out of the clubroom. Fuji leaned back against a locker and flipped open the card. Reading it quickly, his smile widened briefly before settling back into its regular bend.

Meanwhile, outside the building, Inui and co. scrambled around to the back window, where they eagerly pressed their faces to the glass.

"There is a 99 percent chance that Tezuka will arrive within the next five minutes," Inui mumbled, grinning.

"Are you sure we should be watching?" Kawamura asked, blushing lightly. "What if we see something private?"

"It'll be alright, Taka-san," Oishi reassured him. "I'm sure they'll just talk about things."

"Sshh, Tezuka's coming!" Kikumaru whispered excitedly, eyes wide.

Sure enough, Tezuka had pushed open the clubroom door and was now gazing at Fuji in surprise.

"Fuji," he said, frowning, "what are you doing here?" The tensai simply smiled and held out the socks in one hand and the card in another.

"Happy birthday, Tezuka," he replied. "These are from the team." Tezuka regarded the socks in disbelief before opening the card. His eyebrow began twitching uncontrollably as he scanned the text.

_Dear Tezuka-buchou,_ it began.

_Happy Birthday. Inui-senpai called us here at 4 A.M. just so we could talk about what to get you for your birthday. At first, we were going to run some extra laps for you, but since no one really wanted to do that we decided against it, even if it probably would've made you happy. Anyway, after a while, Inui revealed that you actually wanted Fuji-senpai for your birthday. We thought of quite a few ways to give him to you; Kikumaru-senpai said we had to wrap him, Oishi-senpai suggested that we put a candle on his head, and Kawamura-senpai thought you might like it if we covered him in unacha-flavored frosting, but we didn't know where to find that. So, we're giving him to you like this. We hope you like him. _

_-Echizen and everyone else_

_P.S. The socks are Momo-senpai's, from last Christmas. He promises he's never worn them. _

Tezuka let the card fall to the floor soundlessly. The socks had bitten the dust long ago.

"Fuji," he began, his voice trembling slightly. "Did you have anything to do with this?"

"No," Fuji replied, "although I wish I had. I could have vastly improved things. None of them are very imaginative, hmm?" Tezuka sighed.

"They're imaginative enough for me," he muttered, rubbing his temples. Fuji laughed softly.

"Well, Tezuka? Do you like your gift?" he asked, smiling.

"The socks are.. surprising, and the card is.. thoughtful," he began. The tensai hummed in agreement. "However," Tezuka continued, stepping closer, "you are just about perfect." With that, he closed the distance between them, kissing Fuji fiercely. Outside, the rest of the team erupted into whistles and cat-calls, while Kaidoh, Oishi, and Kawamura blushed furiously and awkwardly averted their gaze.

"A complete success," Inui announced, adjusting his glasses.

"But, Inui-senpai," Echizen said, turning away from the window. "What are we going to give him next year?"

The team fell silent.

"Do you think Tezuka is opposed to re-giving?"

* * *

Ahaha. That was probably the crappiest thing I've ever written. I fail miserably at crack. The only line I like is the little Oishi/Eiji exchange: _"Wait a minute, Inui!" Oishi cried, scrambling to his feet. "We can't just GIVE Fuji to Tezuka!" "Yeah!" Kikumaru agreed, waving his arms in the air indignantly. "We have to wrap him first!" _Hehe. -sigh- But tell me.. Did the last line make sense? Anyway, reviews are welcome. I wouldn't even mind total flames on this piece. It deserves to burrrrnnn. -evil laugh- In any case, happy birthday, Tezu-chan! (Fuji's probably gonna beat me up for that one. ;)


End file.
